Can it get any worse? Yes, it can! Here’s how things get outta hand

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Rabinder and I had been living together for over 4 months and talked about going on surf trips many times. Though, we never surfed together because of our different and busy work schedule.

But, as we’re approaching the end of an era of a crazy apartment in Melbourne we managed to plan a surf trip 1 week before I left Australia and things got slightly outta hand. Let’s keep some scores:

Rabinder 1 – 0 Renzo

We packed our bags: “sleeping gear, BBQ, surfboards, skateboards, camping gear, etc” and took off. 2 over-excited guys, high on energy, hit their first obstacle when Rabinder cracked the front screen with his butt. So, Rabinder takes the lead with the first point. (twerking on reggaeton isn’t something you should be doing really, let alone in a car..)

Full of excitement we drove down to Torquay (a surf town where Rip Curl and Quick Silver are found) to surf her big swell. The ocean was wild, but beautiful and we had a great surf session. Super stoked we got out of the water…

Rabinder 1 – 1 Renzo

We sat down for a little rest and figured that climbing the cliff would be an amazing idea. We paddled out on our boards to a pocket of sand in between the cliffs and ‘parked’ our boards here. Soon we were up 4 meters high getting hit by big waves before we decided to swim right through the hectic swell into tunnels, getting slammed into the rocks. I broke my rented wetsuit, so Rabinder and I were eye on eye again (1 – 1).

Rabinder 2 – 2 Renzo

We went for the final surf session of the day when we noticed that the sun was already setting. “Dude, we’re meant to return the wetsuits before 5pm! Aren’t we?” Rabinder goes. “The sun sets at 6pm. They should be closed by now.” I answered. No biggie. We decided we should set off on our adventure anyway and return the wetsuits when we get back to town. Not sure who’s fault this one is. Let’s say we both score 1 point for the late return charge.

Rabinder 2 – 3 Renzo 

So, we decided to head down to Grampians National Park anyway. It’s a green and lush national park with mountains and big waterfalls. We did some groceries and got on the road. It was 7pm already and we still had a long, long way to go. After a good 3 hour drive the front screen (yes, the broken one..) was full of dirt and made it hard to see. So… I jumped on the hood to wipe the window with a towel and Rabinder downed the gas. We hit a gnarly 110 km/h with me holding myself on the hood!! It was so much fun that we swapped position: Rabinder on the hood and Renzo behind the wheel. As soon as we hit 100 km/h the engine went ‘psjeww’ (or something similar). I had a wild, bearded man screaming from the hood of my car “whoooww what the ___ (use of strong word) was that!?” I replied with wide eyes “ahhm, overheated engine I reckon.., we’re pretty f*cked I think”. 

Rabinder 3 – 4 Renzo

So, we’re in the middle of butt fuck nowhere without anyone around – apart from some kangaroos. Tip of the year: if you don’t want the battery to die you should turn off the lights and music. Which Rabinder and I didn’t, so: “beeeeebbb” the car went. Dead battery. Point for both.

Rabinder 4 – 4 Renzo

What to do when you’re stuck in the middle of nowhere with a dead car? Obviously, you’re gonna eat your groceries! But when I opened the roof box I found out the yoghurt had been set free through the box. Rabinder was the one who had packed the groceries (I suppose…). And when you’re traveling (especially in expensive Australia) you eat that yoghurt anyway.

Hopefully Rabinder won’t read this – but I know he will – because we’d argue who this point goes out to. But because I’m hiding behind my screen I gave it to him anyway. Eye on eye again. 

Hack, we got help!

A car that approached stopped to help us and then drove away real fast. I’m sure we scared the driver with our obnoxious excitement. The 2nd car did actually stop and helped us to get the engine running. This country boy knew his way around (unlike us) and said we just had to fill the cooling system with water as he showed us the way to a petrol station. “where are you guys headed anyway?” He asked with a thick accent. He gave us a weird look when we told him we’re headed towards the Grampions. “Yeh, well, you’re driving the wrong way mate, like 180 degrees..”. We turned around, got water and continued our trip. 2 hours later we arrived in Halls Gap, Grampians National Park to pass out in our – not so – loyal station wagon. Rabinder built us a comfy bed in the back of the car and we put our head down for some hours under a stunning blanked of stars. 

7am: time for the real deal.

We took off early that morning to chase some scenic views and waterfalls. We had a casual BBQ, not knowing what was waiting for us. 

Rabinder 4 – 5 Renzo

The waterfalls had to wait just a bit longer! We couldn’t find the waterfalls and decided to follow a random dirt road. Which totally could’ve been a great idea. But, it wasn’t. Probably because I was driving and dirt roads always seem to talk to me. “C’mon, put some passion into your driving, do it! Do it!”. Let’s say I should have listened to Rabinder when he said (read: fukkin’ screamed) “STOP IT!! THIS IS A CAR, NOT A F*CKING SAFARI TRUCK!!”. I downed the gas and yanked the wheel around with a big smile on my face. We drove downhill and it was hard to keep control over the car. It got a little excited and then, of course, I got out of control and soon it turned around 90 degrees. I knew I fucked up. The car gripped again and flew over the edge of a creek. The 2 front wheels hanging over the edge and the back wheels too high off the road to grip. There was no way to get the car into any movement. HO-LY SHIT! “I still love you brother” Rabinder tried to sooth the situation. It was romantic. And it was sad.

We used the smartest tricks and had great ideas like emptying the trunk and fill it with big heavy rocks to put more weight on the back in the hope it would grip and we could reverse out. Didn’t work. Then we tried to lift the car from the front together. Didn’t work. Then we tried to dig a hole underneath the car with our skateboards. That, obviously, didn’t work either.

I had some seriously anxious ‘what if’s…’ thoughts running through my mind and it was hard to break this loop. What if there is no one on this road? It’s dead empty. What if we need to call some emergency party? How much would it cost us? What if the car is broken? Etc. There isn’t even a phone connection out here. 

We ran towards the main road meanwhile stressfully eating an apple of hope. We reached the road and Rabinder waited for a car to pass and ask for help. Meanwhile, I ran back to the car with another brilliant idea just like the others. But I soon figured that this idea was just as stupid and useless, so I ran back to the main road… On my way back I saw this glorious, divine, white 4×4 Toyota coming down the road. I felt like I had walked in a dessert for days and I just walked into an oasis. So, I jumped in the middle of the road to stop the truck and right as I did Rabinder sticked his happy, sexy, smiling face out of the window screaming: YEAAAH, RENZOOOO, YEAAAH!!!

I jumped into the car. Rabinder and I sitting side by side in the backseat almost holding hands. Two faces filled with hope and happiness, yet so anxious! We arrived to the car and the first reaction of the Toyota driver was: “Oh, boy…”. Which was reassuring for sure..

Side note: I think the driver really deserves a name in our lives, so let’s go with Bob. Until we come up with a better name. 

We attached the truck to our car with a chain and Bob slowly tried to pull our car out. NOTHING HAPPENED. I already ate all my nails, so I continued with my fingers while Rabinder was on his knees praying for the best. 2nd attempt the car moved a little… but, it really was hardly a centimetre. 3rd attempt the same thing happened. But the Toyota’s tires started skidding and nothing happened anymore. F*CK! The tension was huge! I tried helping Bob with good hope and tried reversing the car. One centimetre, another one, another one, slowly the car turned, the back wheels touched the road, finally gripped, the car slowly reversed and ‘TSJEEWWW’ (yea, something like that) it flew out like a rocket!!! Rabinder leaped into the air and I jumped out of the car. We sprinted towards the Toyota and pulled Bob out of his seat to give him a fat ol’ hug and well deserved kisses on his bold head!

Surprisingly enough the car still worked. With a relieved heart we continued our journey. 

Rabinder 5 – 6 Renzo

And we got lost. No need for further explanation. Point for both.

Rabinder 777 – 6 Renzo

We found the waterfalls, enjoyed it and got back on the road to get back to Torquay to return the wetsuits. We would even be on time to have a final session. Until…

“We had it all man. Everything that could’ve happened, we survived it. What a weekend!” Rabinder said. “I know man, I can feel my body finally winding down now” I answered while Rabinder looked at me. He looked like he just shit his pants and said “police man, police behind us, what do I do!?”.

Did I forget to mention Rabinder doesn’t have a driving licence? Haha.

“No worries man, they’ve never pulled me over before. Why would they?” I said. “Okey, okey, good!” He answered with a tense body. Until..

“G’day lads, licence and registration please. We’re also doing an alcohol and drug test today.” the officer said “Well, the alcohol, registration and drugs is no problem, but maybe the licence is!” Rabinder jokingly answered the officer while I thought it was really funny and stupid at the same time. 

The police dug the car out looking for drugs, did a test for alcohol, walked around the car to inspect the absolute wrecked container on wheels and walked away.

We waited, and waited, and waited more. Rabinder and I had given too many fucks the past 2 days so we couldn’t really be bothered with the outcome of this situation anymore. We knew it was gonna be bad so tried enjoying it with a good laugh. After some time both police officers came to talk to us. One handed Rabinder a fine of $777, – (isn’t she lovely?) meanwhile the other officer put a sticker on the front screen saying: ‘defective vehicle’. “Shit, what’s that!?” we asked the officer. “well, your front bumper nearly comes off, your front screen is cracked, your side mirror is cracked, your tires are bold and your brake lights don’t work. This means no more driving for this guy until you got it fixed.”

Celebrating the joy of living

I have to say we’re lucky that we could come to the agreement of 1 week postpone with the ‘defective vehicle’–situation. We continued our way back to Torquay. The whole situation took a lot of time and we were late for the return of the wetsuits, again. We got charged for that, too. Point for the police officers you reckon?

We bought a load of food and celebrated with a BBQ for a good story to tell our future kids. cheers you Victoria! You bitter sweet adventure land.

Oh, 1 more for Rabinder…

Did I mention earlier that Rabinder ripped off the bumper by driving it up against a high curb? I don’t think so. Glad I remembered! 

Thanks for reading. I’m being super vulnerable here, please don’t judge 😉

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What I share and write about only goes as far as I’ve expended my own mind, body and soul. You need to think about what is right and holds true for ya’self. I’m merely sharing what I’m seeing and experiencing through the lens of my eyes, shaped by my lessons, studies and experiences, along with the research and studies of professionals in the particular field. I’m here to share but have no means of taking others’ credit or claiming to provide you with ‘the truth’. 

Oh, and there will be some grammatical slips here and there. So here’s my apologies in advantage (that was a joke), but as long as I’m getting the point across I’m pretty stoked. 

I’m always open and interested to hear your perspective, even — or especially — if my content is not in alignment with yours. But more importantly, I’m here to reach out a hand — you can find me here, or you can visit the FAQ Page

*This article is written for educational and informational purposes only and not for medical advice. Always check in with your doctor for medical advice. You know the deal. And don’t forget to do your own research ;). 

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Renzo Kaashoek
About Renzo

We’re hiding behind fancy websites and a bunch of words and filters. I’d love to introduce myself with some stories to make the chaos on your screen a little more personal. Feel free to reach out and ask or say what you’ve got going on. See ya’ in the mailbox, on the road or, in da barrel.. 

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